I can't believe how fast this past year has flown by. This time last year we were packing up to move to Jonesboro. It was a chaotic and stressful week trying to get packed, moved, and close on the house. I would like to look back from here and say that it has been smooth sailing since, but I can't in all honesty.
I have been thinking and reflecting on the year and our transition to a new place, and it really has had a lot of ups and downs. There are many positive things about being here, though I continue to get pangs of sadness at times thinking of what we left behind. I don't really think of Searcy as "home" anymore, though Jonesboro doesn't yet feel like "home" either. I know that the whole process is just that, a journey, not an event. One day I will wake up and feel at home here, but I just don't think I am there yet.
Of course most of what gets in my way of feeling peaceful and content is my own self, and my crazy expectations! I imagined what things would be like once we moved, and not much of what I imagined became reality once we got here. Our family is changing, schedules are changing, and of course life just changes everyday, and I guess I just forgot to factor that in:) With that said, I am getting to a place where I am content with life and am starting to settle into the familiar routines that I love so much. I better enjoy it fast since I am having a baby in 9 weeks, huh?!?!?
I struggled for a long time against moving, years actually, until I felt the pull so strongly I just couldn't keep ignoring it. I am so thankful that Silas was so patient with me as I wrestled with accepting this change, and that he allowed me to come in my own time. I truly believe God has us here for a reason, and I fully expected Him to make that reason clear as soon as I arrived where I thought He wanted me. As the days and months continued on and nothing seemed apparent, I started to doubt my decision to pack up and move after all. I know the devil gets at me through those little windows of doubt, and boy did I let him at times. I know that that has a lot to do with my not being content. But I have hung on and dug my heels in, and am going to keep fighting the urge to give up and run back to what feels familiar. I know that the path will open up for me step by step, and not with flashing neon signs like I wish it would!!
I am so thankful for so many people and things here, and I forget how blessed I am on my bad days. We have an amazing church family here who has been so welcoming, and I wouldn't have lasted this long without the wonderful people there!!! Tyson is growing and thriving daily, which I know I should never take for granted either. Silas has a good job, and so do I, which is again a huge blessing. I am my own worst enemy it seems, and can always find something to grumble about or steal a little of my joy away. So, I am writing all this to acknowledge some of my struggles openly and especially to myself, and as a reminder to focus on the positive and see just how fully I am blessed day in and day out. It has been a difficult year in many ways, and a wonderful year in many ways. My dad always reminds me that growing and stretching doesn't always feel good, but the end result is always worth it. So I am going to continue trusting God that I am right where he wants me, and be more cheerful along the way. I can already see many ways that things are working for good here for our family, and I know there is more to come.
Life hasn't always turned out like I expected or imagined it would, but in most ways it far exceeds anything I could have even hoped for:) God blesses me despite myself, and for that I am so thankful! I am eagerly looking forward to what this year has in store for me as well.
