Friday, November 15, 2013
I am fully aware up front that this post is ridiculous, but it is an honest look at where I am right now. While this 3rd labor and delivery was my easiest, the recovery period has felt the hardest to me. I had worked for 3 and a half years very hard to get into shape and finally feel "good," and I am really having a hard time accepting my post partum body and its physical limitations. My post 3rd baby body at age 34 is NOT the same as my post half ironman body was at this time last year. I guess I had delusions that I would just pop this baby out and be right back where I was in no time, but my body seems to have other plans for me. I KNOW it all seems very selfish and silly, but my exercise is my happy place and my coping with the struggles of life, and it has been a loooong year without being able to do what I love and need. I know it will take time and a lot of work, but I will get back to that place again. So here is where I am right now, at almost 8 weeks post partum. I am carrying an extra 28 pounds of lovely baby weight around, which makes any form of my previous exercise much more difficult so say the least. I am breastfeeding/pumping exclusively, and my body seems to think it needs to hang on to every calorie I eat to be a milk factory apparently! I started off walking 30 minutes or so almost daily and have tried to ease back in to running. It is a sloooow process for me so far, and very frustrating at times. I have been running about 2 to 2.5 miles several times per week since about week 6 post partum. I am slow and it feels so hard to move my body. 10:30 -11:00 minute miles are my new "normal" and I did manage to squeak out a 10:10 minute mile the other day. The farthest I have run is 3 miles and it felt like a half marathon!!! I have days where I am so proud of myself and my efforts and my body, and days where I just want to give up because I feel like I am starting all over and it's mentally and physically exhausting. BUT, I know this is a journey, no matter how much I want it to happen overnight:) My new life mantra is now "Do the small things." As in, just do the next small thing like one workout video, take a walk, do some crunches, drink more water, etc. Because all those daily small things will eventually add up to success down the road. I know this. Silas is of course, so loving and encouraging and supportive of me and I am so thankful for a husband who loves me no matter what I look like. I am excited to get back into things, and am looking forward to the day when my body feels a little bit more "normal" to me. For now, I am enjoying the blessing of my precious little son (who will be 8 weeks tomorrow!!) and the miracle of my body to create this little life and nourish him so he can grow. It is all a balancing act and some days I do better than others with it! For now I will keep on keeping on with all the small things, and feel good when I start to see the results down the road. I am loving this time I have with sweet little Knox at home and so thankful to be the mom of 3 healthy and energetic boys. My heart is so full with the important things, and I know all this other stuff is just silly. Look for more pictures of the baby soon!!! I can't believe he is almost 2 months old!!