A Look Back
I can't believe how fast this past year has flown by. This time last year we were packing up to move to Jonesboro. It was a chaotic and stressful week trying to get packed, moved, and close on the house. I would like to look back from here and say that it has been smooth sailing since, but I can't in all honesty.
I have been thinking and reflecting on the year and our transition to a new place, and it really has had a lot of ups and downs. There are many positive things about being here, though I continue to get pangs of sadness at times thinking of what we left behind. I don't really think of Searcy as "home" anymore, though Jonesboro doesn't yet feel like "home" either. I know that the whole process is just that, a journey, not an event. One day I will wake up and feel at home here, but I just don't think I am there yet.
Of course most of what gets in my way of feeling peaceful and content is my own self, and my crazy expectations! I imagined what things would be like once we moved, and not much of what I imagined became reality once we got here. Our family is changing, schedules are changing, and of course life just changes everyday, and I guess I just forgot to factor that in:) With that said, I am getting to a place where I am content with life and am starting to settle into the familiar routines that I love so much. I better enjoy it fast since I am having a baby in 9 weeks, huh?!?!?
I struggled for a long time against moving, years actually, until I felt the pull so strongly I just couldn't keep ignoring it. I am so thankful that Silas was so patient with me as I wrestled with accepting this change, and that he allowed me to come in my own time. I truly believe God has us here for a reason, and I fully expected Him to make that reason clear as soon as I arrived where I thought He wanted me. As the days and months continued on and nothing seemed apparent, I started to doubt my decision to pack up and move after all. I know the devil gets at me through those little windows of doubt, and boy did I let him at times. I know that that has a lot to do with my not being content. But I have hung on and dug my heels in, and am going to keep fighting the urge to give up and run back to what feels familiar. I know that the path will open up for me step by step, and not with flashing neon signs like I wish it would!!
I am so thankful for so many people and things here, and I forget how blessed I am on my bad days. We have an amazing church family here who has been so welcoming, and I wouldn't have lasted this long without the wonderful people there!!! Tyson is growing and thriving daily, which I know I should never take for granted either. Silas has a good job, and so do I, which is again a huge blessing. I am my own worst enemy it seems, and can always find something to grumble about or steal a little of my joy away. So, I am writing all this to acknowledge some of my struggles openly and especially to myself, and as a reminder to focus on the positive and see just how fully I am blessed day in and day out. It has been a difficult year in many ways, and a wonderful year in many ways. My dad always reminds me that growing and stretching doesn't always feel good, but the end result is always worth it. So I am going to continue trusting God that I am right where he wants me, and be more cheerful along the way. I can already see many ways that things are working for good here for our family, and I know there is more to come.
Life hasn't always turned out like I expected or imagined it would, but in most ways it far exceeds anything I could have even hoped for:) God blesses me despite myself, and for that I am so thankful! I am eagerly looking forward to what this year has in store for me as well.
I have been thinking and reflecting on the year and our transition to a new place, and it really has had a lot of ups and downs. There are many positive things about being here, though I continue to get pangs of sadness at times thinking of what we left behind. I don't really think of Searcy as "home" anymore, though Jonesboro doesn't yet feel like "home" either. I know that the whole process is just that, a journey, not an event. One day I will wake up and feel at home here, but I just don't think I am there yet.
Of course most of what gets in my way of feeling peaceful and content is my own self, and my crazy expectations! I imagined what things would be like once we moved, and not much of what I imagined became reality once we got here. Our family is changing, schedules are changing, and of course life just changes everyday, and I guess I just forgot to factor that in:) With that said, I am getting to a place where I am content with life and am starting to settle into the familiar routines that I love so much. I better enjoy it fast since I am having a baby in 9 weeks, huh?!?!?
I struggled for a long time against moving, years actually, until I felt the pull so strongly I just couldn't keep ignoring it. I am so thankful that Silas was so patient with me as I wrestled with accepting this change, and that he allowed me to come in my own time. I truly believe God has us here for a reason, and I fully expected Him to make that reason clear as soon as I arrived where I thought He wanted me. As the days and months continued on and nothing seemed apparent, I started to doubt my decision to pack up and move after all. I know the devil gets at me through those little windows of doubt, and boy did I let him at times. I know that that has a lot to do with my not being content. But I have hung on and dug my heels in, and am going to keep fighting the urge to give up and run back to what feels familiar. I know that the path will open up for me step by step, and not with flashing neon signs like I wish it would!!
I am so thankful for so many people and things here, and I forget how blessed I am on my bad days. We have an amazing church family here who has been so welcoming, and I wouldn't have lasted this long without the wonderful people there!!! Tyson is growing and thriving daily, which I know I should never take for granted either. Silas has a good job, and so do I, which is again a huge blessing. I am my own worst enemy it seems, and can always find something to grumble about or steal a little of my joy away. So, I am writing all this to acknowledge some of my struggles openly and especially to myself, and as a reminder to focus on the positive and see just how fully I am blessed day in and day out. It has been a difficult year in many ways, and a wonderful year in many ways. My dad always reminds me that growing and stretching doesn't always feel good, but the end result is always worth it. So I am going to continue trusting God that I am right where he wants me, and be more cheerful along the way. I can already see many ways that things are working for good here for our family, and I know there is more to come.
Life hasn't always turned out like I expected or imagined it would, but in most ways it far exceeds anything I could have even hoped for:) God blesses me despite myself, and for that I am so thankful! I am eagerly looking forward to what this year has in store for me as well.
posted by Lauren at
6:50 PM
3 Comments:
Well said. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes too. Satan is doubt; God is faith. Life would suck if we lived into our plans and didnt allow for God's much more beautiful purpose to rearrange everything so perfectly and wonderfully! I'm pretty scared about where God is taking me too, so remember you aren't alone in your feelings. Our life is where our family is, and yours is just where it belongs:) I'm always proud of you.
Thanks sis:) I am thinking of you guys and so excited for the adventure you are on!! I know you are in a place to really understand being in unfamiliar territory even more than me. Thanks for the encouragement and we will talk soon!
Thank you for being so open and honest. Your words inspired me. I will be praying for you.
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