Trying To Breathe
Truth be told, I am struggling right now. Some days it feels like I can't even breathe. There are so many good things going on right now, but as you know, good stress is still stress! It all started a few months back, when I mentioned some changes coming our way. I was offered a job at a great company a while back, which I promptly declined. But after talking with Silas and lots of thinking and praying, I decided to give it a shot. Biggest problem...it is a full time job, and I haven't worked full time since having children. I have worked a crazy part time schedule and juggled 3 and 4 part time jobs at a time so I could be home with my kids, and this full time thing is really throwing me for a loop. Most days I feel like I can't even catch my breath, or I don't even know which way is up anymore.
I pride myself on being a very efficient and organized individual, and for the past 6 weeks I just feel like I am turning in circles and not making any progress in any direction. I don't like it one bit! I cried when I got in my car Friday morning to leave for work, because some days it just hurts my heart so bad to have to pull my baby off my leg while he is crying and begging me to stay at home with him. Tyson has seemed to handle the transition ok, but Jace is really having a hard time. Which makes me have a VERY hard time. I know all of this is just a really big change in our lives and that while it feels so slow and painful in the moment, we will all adjust to the new schedule and find our groove before we know it. I have the boys registered to attend a private Christian pre-school full time starting in August and I know they will love it once they start. They will be busy and learning and making new friends and it won't be so hard for them. That is what I am praying for anyway:)
It would take forever to go into all the details of what has gone on in our lives over the past few months, but I know that this job opportunity was a blessing from God, and I have to keep reminding myself of that on the particularly hard days. The Lord provides for us in ways we can't always understand and I know without a shadow of a doubt he is taking care of my family in so many ways. Change is just hard sometimes, especially big change. I feel out of control and scared at times, but I know those are just temporary feelings and all the important stuff is still the same. I still get to spend hours every afternoon at home with my family and for the first time since having kids, Silas and I get to be at home together in the evenings and weekends instead of me leaving and working some crazy hours around the times he is home. We are just working to find our groove right now and life continues full steam ahead around us. I am getting a cleaning woman set up this week to start coming and help with the house, so I can spend the time I do have at home with the kids and not constantly working on the house and chores. Silas has been wonderful as always helping with the kids and helping me adjust to my new role. I love that guy:) So that is what is going on with us right now. Lots of big, good change. Hard, but good change. And do you see my cute new work clothes...SCRUBS! I have always wanted a job where I could wear scrubs to work, and look what I got....my wish come true:) I am still a social worker, but in scrubs! I will actually talk about my new job later on, but for now just know that I love it and have some great co-workers:) If you are a working mom and have any advice to give on how to juggle all of life's responsibilities I would love suggestions! I would also appreciate any prayers for peace and comfort in my heart as I adjust to not being home with my kids every day.
posted by Lauren at
12:38 PM
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