Why I Run
I have been struggling a lot the past two weeks. Just feeling down, depressed, overwhelmed, sad. I chalk a lot of it up to the post race blues....you know....you have a huge goal, you put all your time, effort, energy into it for months, day in and day out. The event comes and goes and is awesome, and then you are left with a void. I feel restless, aimless, unfocused. "What's next" is the question that keeps constantly running through my mind, and for now I have no answer.
I know a lot of people don't really understand why I do what I do, exercise wise. Honestly I don't even know some days, which is why I have really been giving it some thought lately. Today I have an honest answer to the question...."why do you do all this?"
It's hard being tender-hearted. That's why I run. I am a crier. I hurt when other people hurt. I am happy when other people are happy. I worry when other people are worried. I empathize with those around me. I would like to believe that those are the reasons that make me good at what I do. I don't talk a lot about my real job on here, but it really has a huge impact on my daily life. As a therapist, unfortunately I don't have very many "good days" at work. The nature of my job is crisis. People only come to see me in the midst of chaos, when life and problems get so big they don't know what to do next. It's messy, it's raw emotion, it's hard, and a lot of the time there are just more questions than answers at the end of the day. I can't fix any one's problems. That is not my job. I think there are a lot of textbook answers of what my job is supposed to be, but in my mind, my job is to walk with people at a time when they may not have anyone else. My job is to listen, to hear the stories that make them who they are, to hear their hurt and pain. I listen, but I don't fix. I encourage. And I try to offer the gift of hope. Hope in something more than this world can give us. Hope in something eternal. Something that is bigger than all this pain they feel and something that makes it ok to not have answers to so many hard questions, like why??
I see and hear it all in my work. And it hurts. My clients hurt, and it makes me hurt for them. Parent's who have lost their newborn babies, families ripped apart by drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, divorce, affairs, physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse, abandonment, grief. I have walked through the year of "firsts" with someone whose spouse was murdered, teenage cutting, suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, remorse, regrets, anger.....the list goes on and on. It's heavy, and it is so easy to fall right off the edge and stay in that pit of sadness and hurt with them if I am not careful. I pray for my clients. I pray with them, and I pray for them at home. I am excited when things go well, and sad when they don't. I may not work full-time, but it is hard to shut my mind down in the quiet of the night some days. For years I carried a lot of this stress around with me, and it made me sad and overwhelmed. I couldn't leave it at work.
And then one day I quit my job and decided to start taking care of myself and my boys. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I started walking around my block. Then I started jogging to the corner, then a 1/4 mile, then a mile. As the days turned into weeks and months, the pounds started dropping, and I felt myself coming back to life again. That was 2 years ago this past February and I haven't looked back since. I went back to work re-newed myself and better able to encourage others in their journeys. I have the energy to chase my crazy pre-school boys all day, and to love my husband better. My days are still hard. My weeks are still hard. I carry a lot with me from work. But now I have the ability to run it off. I pound the pavement. I let it go. I turn things over to God. I push through the physical pain and wear myself out, and I sleep well because of it. Exercise and natural endorphins are the best thing ever! I have not been depressed like I used to get. Some people drink, some smoke, some do worse to cope with stress and emotions.....I run. I bike. I swim. My body is stronger for it. My mind is stronger. My family is happier because mama is happy again. I do it for them. I enjoy the companionship of my running partners. I enjoy the solitude and quietness of my early morning swims. I see the sun rise lots of mornings before the rest of the world wakes up. I love the sun on my face and the breeze as I ride my bike. I love the shot of adrenaline I get toeing the starting line of a big race, any race. I love setting a new personal record, pushing limits, overcoming pain or obstacles. I love how proud of me my husband and little boys are when I cross that finish line. I am thankful every single day for this body and the gift I have to move and use it. This is my fun. This is my relaxation. This is my passion. This is my stress reliever. This keeps me sane. This is for my physical and mental well-being. I have been physically trying to "rest" since my 70.3 race, and its been hard. I feel the heaviness of work creeping back in. I can't turn my mind off at night. I have worked a lot. So I did what any normal person would do.....set my alarm for 4:40am and hit the gym this morning. I pounded out a mile swim 3.5 minutes faster than I have ever swam one before, and then ran 3.1 miles as fast as my fastest racing 5k last year. Wore me out, and I loved every second of it:) This is why I run.
I know a lot of people don't really understand why I do what I do, exercise wise. Honestly I don't even know some days, which is why I have really been giving it some thought lately. Today I have an honest answer to the question...."why do you do all this?"
It's hard being tender-hearted. That's why I run. I am a crier. I hurt when other people hurt. I am happy when other people are happy. I worry when other people are worried. I empathize with those around me. I would like to believe that those are the reasons that make me good at what I do. I don't talk a lot about my real job on here, but it really has a huge impact on my daily life. As a therapist, unfortunately I don't have very many "good days" at work. The nature of my job is crisis. People only come to see me in the midst of chaos, when life and problems get so big they don't know what to do next. It's messy, it's raw emotion, it's hard, and a lot of the time there are just more questions than answers at the end of the day. I can't fix any one's problems. That is not my job. I think there are a lot of textbook answers of what my job is supposed to be, but in my mind, my job is to walk with people at a time when they may not have anyone else. My job is to listen, to hear the stories that make them who they are, to hear their hurt and pain. I listen, but I don't fix. I encourage. And I try to offer the gift of hope. Hope in something more than this world can give us. Hope in something eternal. Something that is bigger than all this pain they feel and something that makes it ok to not have answers to so many hard questions, like why??
I see and hear it all in my work. And it hurts. My clients hurt, and it makes me hurt for them. Parent's who have lost their newborn babies, families ripped apart by drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, divorce, affairs, physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse, abandonment, grief. I have walked through the year of "firsts" with someone whose spouse was murdered, teenage cutting, suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, remorse, regrets, anger.....the list goes on and on. It's heavy, and it is so easy to fall right off the edge and stay in that pit of sadness and hurt with them if I am not careful. I pray for my clients. I pray with them, and I pray for them at home. I am excited when things go well, and sad when they don't. I may not work full-time, but it is hard to shut my mind down in the quiet of the night some days. For years I carried a lot of this stress around with me, and it made me sad and overwhelmed. I couldn't leave it at work.
And then one day I quit my job and decided to start taking care of myself and my boys. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I started walking around my block. Then I started jogging to the corner, then a 1/4 mile, then a mile. As the days turned into weeks and months, the pounds started dropping, and I felt myself coming back to life again. That was 2 years ago this past February and I haven't looked back since. I went back to work re-newed myself and better able to encourage others in their journeys. I have the energy to chase my crazy pre-school boys all day, and to love my husband better. My days are still hard. My weeks are still hard. I carry a lot with me from work. But now I have the ability to run it off. I pound the pavement. I let it go. I turn things over to God. I push through the physical pain and wear myself out, and I sleep well because of it. Exercise and natural endorphins are the best thing ever! I have not been depressed like I used to get. Some people drink, some smoke, some do worse to cope with stress and emotions.....I run. I bike. I swim. My body is stronger for it. My mind is stronger. My family is happier because mama is happy again. I do it for them. I enjoy the companionship of my running partners. I enjoy the solitude and quietness of my early morning swims. I see the sun rise lots of mornings before the rest of the world wakes up. I love the sun on my face and the breeze as I ride my bike. I love the shot of adrenaline I get toeing the starting line of a big race, any race. I love setting a new personal record, pushing limits, overcoming pain or obstacles. I love how proud of me my husband and little boys are when I cross that finish line. I am thankful every single day for this body and the gift I have to move and use it. This is my fun. This is my relaxation. This is my passion. This is my stress reliever. This keeps me sane. This is for my physical and mental well-being. I have been physically trying to "rest" since my 70.3 race, and its been hard. I feel the heaviness of work creeping back in. I can't turn my mind off at night. I have worked a lot. So I did what any normal person would do.....set my alarm for 4:40am and hit the gym this morning. I pounded out a mile swim 3.5 minutes faster than I have ever swam one before, and then ran 3.1 miles as fast as my fastest racing 5k last year. Wore me out, and I loved every second of it:) This is why I run.
posted by Lauren at
11:31 AM
4 Comments:
I super love this post and your honesty. Running is often SO much more than exercise. It has kept me sane over the past two years, heck maybe even a reason to live some days. You catpured that sentiment so well.
Well said my friend!
I LOVE this post!! I can relate in so many ways! I think it is so important to know why we run. After the Little Rock marathon I got a little down and felt a little out of sorts. My huge goal was accomplished and my body needed to rest. Yet... all I wanted to do was keep pursuing a goal.
You have been working for months to accomplish your Half IronMan and you did it!! Give your self a little break to rest and reflect. Then, if you're like me- start setting some new goals to look ahead to! While I do not found nearly the same amount of satisfaction in shorter races I have lined up a few 5K's these next few months. My big races are not until the fall.
You have come a long way these past two years and just think what is still in store. I know you have not reached your potential yet. The sky is the limit!
BTW- how was the ladies retreat?!:-)
I so get this Lauren, you know I do. I am just now starting a long journey on getting healthy, body, mind and spirit. I love you sister, I love your heart and your courage. Keep it up, I am taking my steps from you. So, so proud of you. Kathy Reynolds
Thanks Kathy!! I know you understand and get a lot of what stresses me out. I am praying for your journey as well....so proud of you!
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